He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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