im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
