is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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