If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
And then he peed in my hair
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