Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
