Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
