Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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