Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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