After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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