The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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