its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
