after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
