I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
