He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
