I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
