how can u be prego again
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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