he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
