Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
