Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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