i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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