I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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