I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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