So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
