i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize