What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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