May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Two words: blizzard sex
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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