At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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