she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
