Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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