One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
