We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
