we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
