so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
