New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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