So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
