almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
