Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
