Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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