im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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