Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
