I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize