Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
