I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
