Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
