this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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