Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
