Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My dick has a subreddit
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
