you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
