I just made out with a guy for $7.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
