Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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