shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
