I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
