one two three fourrrrnication!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You smell like stripper and shame
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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