Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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