I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
