look no pants
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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