We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
