I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
