but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
