Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
