my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
