Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
