about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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