He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
