your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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