Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
