I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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