I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
