Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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