my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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