im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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