Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
