I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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