I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
