there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I cannot find my penis.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
