Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
