Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
