I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
