were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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