I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
