if you like me you must not know who I am
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
