I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
