Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
