she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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