You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
