i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
