How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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