your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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