so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize