Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You can't special order awesome
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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