i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
