OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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