I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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